Everybody's Fine

"Everybody's Fine" is a movie starring Robert De Niro. De Niro, "Frank," is a widower and father of four. In the beginning of the film, Frank (De Niro), is busy preparing his home for a visit from his adult children who live all over the country. He mows the lawn, cleans the house and buys expensive wine in anticipation of this gathering. One by one, his children call and cancel their trip because of business, timing, etc.

Sierra and I were watching this together and I told her how this broke my heart. Maybe it is because I am so close to my father. Maybe it is because De Niro is an awesome actor. Maybe both. But what I do know is that this isn't the children's fault. This is our culture. This is what we teach them.

What is a successful life? Seems like a fairly simple question. We raise our children to be independent, so much so as they often feel this need for freedom. Many go away to college, get married and start a career far from home. We get together on holidays . . . if we have the time off of work and enough money for a plane ticket. If not, it's okay. We can pick up a phone. This is success.

Enter in a loss in the family . . . instant reevaluation, guilt and regret. This is hindsight but it is for a reason. It is our second chance to get it right.

But what if we taught our children that they need their family, not just in their youth, but through life. Because when does it get easier and when do you not need the support of your family? In many cultures, three generations live under one roof. Much of this is economical but it just makes sense in so many areas of life. The problem is our society looks down on this. We are supposed to grow up, move out, go to college, get married, start a career and then have 1.5 children.

I told Sierra that this movie makes me sad. She told me that she would never get a job where she couldn't tell her boss she was going home to visit her family. This was after she told me that when she grows up, she and her husband were going to live in our basement ( ; Okay so maybe I made my bed.